Brokenness

Isaiah 6:5 tells of Isaiah's commission as a prophet. "Woe is me for I am undone..." The literal translation? Destroyed unto ceasing. Sit with that one for a minute. The thought behind this statement is "obliterated" or taken "molecule from molecule". Isaiah experiences absolute brokenness BEFORE God calls him to be a prophet. I once heard a comment that "God can't use a man until He has hurt that man deeply." This sounds harsh but some of the most amazing people I know, that live from deep places in their hearts, all experienced trauma. I talked with a counselor once that told me the thing he offers his clients is his story of having a perfect childhood. He said that he had great parents, a wonderful childhood and that he had never experienced loss or pain before in his life.?.?.? Seriously?

What is he offering his clients? I firmly believe that we are not able to take people to places that we haven't been ourselves. Deep calls to deep. If you haven't found those deep places you will find yourself calling others to be comforted, to be "okay", to "not worry" or just to "pray". These things do not help others who are suffering find Him in the midst of suffering. Moses had a tremendous amount of loss and pain in his story. Hosea, called to love a woman who would leave him for others (plural), loss and pain. Job experienced incredible loss and pain. Paul? There are many, many examples, not to mention Jesus' story. Without suffering we will look for many other things to bring our hearts to rest, other than God. Until I was hurt deeply I was incapable of living from the deep. I ran doggedly after the things that gave me temporary relief and allowed me to take a breath, but these things NEVER brought my heart to rest and certainly did not invite others to Life.

Let me quickly explain "Without suffering we will look for many other things to bring our hearts to rest..." Prayer, reading scripture, going to small groups, church, whiskey, sex, TV, "Jesus", family, food...all things that can be used as a "talisman" to produce in us "rest". If you haven't experienced the suffering in your story (and it is in everyone's story) then you probably offer and demand some of the list above to bring your heart or their heart to rest. But this is a fake rest, denial even. Praying more so that I can be at peace while denying the truth of my suffering, I'm not sure God is going to show up there! Does this make sense to you? Ritualistic things that look "Christian" do not help us FIND HIM in the midst of our suffering, only allowing our stories to be true and then grieving that suffering will allow us to find Him in those deeper places. If I find my son dead in his bed, I do hope that the best that is offered to me isn't "I'll pray for you", this doesn't call to deep. If my wife dies in a car accident, I hope what is offered isn't "Well, she's in Heaven now". These things do not speak to those deeply affected places in our hearts!

Without experiencing brokenness I believe that we are not capable of doing work for Him in the deep. So many stories in the bible are about a man/woman or people being taken beyond their ability to survive and deal with things. This is where all is stripped away and the only answer you have left is "He is with me, He is with me." An unexplainable place becomes your mantra and when others present to you with trauma/loss/pain, you begin to naturally lead them there..."He is with you." But this is not coming from a place to take away anything it is a place to speak what is true IN THE MIDST of the suffering, not a magical phrase to take away suffering! In each of our stories is loss. My friend the counselor, who believes his story was perfect, hasn't looked with open eyes. Our stories all have loss, we live in a depraved world with fallen people and we all started out as defenseless little children. Find the suffering in your story, find the deep, find the brokenness...it will always lead to Him and a way to walk with others that calls them to the same freedom you'll find, grace in your brokenness.