Christ, Shame and the Woman at the Well

Many clients who find there way to a Biblical or Christian counseling center come carrying the terrible wounds of sexual based trauma. Statistics say that 1 in every 4 females has likely been or are currently being sexual abused. It is an evil that turns a little child’s heart into a chaotic mess of pain, ambivalence and shame, all of which keeps most of them silent. In their little hearts these children internalize things that happen as if they wished it or wanted it to happen. If you think of any normal three year old and how they think, you can begin to see how abuse damages a child beyond the physical. A three year old wants a certain toy for a birthday or Christmas, and viola, it shows up on their birthday, they make a choice at McDonald’s and bang, there is a cheeseburger waiting for them. And when an adult takes advantage of the innocence of a child, the child believes that they wanted it to happen. What they don’t understand is that they are incapable of choosing to get the oil changed in a car, repairing a transmission, taking care of a checkbook, nor capable of making sexual choices. The message that becomes their heart image is likely something like the Samaritan woman at the well, I’m dirty.

I eventually assign the story of the woman at the well to all of my trauma clients. The Samaritan woman who came to the well, did so in the early afternoon so as not to be seen by the other women of the area (probably because of her sexual identity as an adulterous). When Jesus asked this woman for a drink she responded, “You are a Jew and I am a Samaritan, how can you ask me for a drink?” What she was actually saying is “You are a Jew and I’m unclean, if you drink from my jar you will become dirty.” As you follow the story, each time she responds it is somewhat combative giving Christ the invitation to back off. Jesus however continues to move towards her heart to invite her closer, this dirty woman, invited closer.

Each exchange she dismisses Him, but Jesus allows her to see He does know her and also invites her to know Him. This dirty woman, dirty on ceremonial levels and in her heart, has her heart pursued by the purist man who walked the earth. So interested in allowing her to know HIm, He allowed her to be a part of the only occasion before His trial where He stated clearly that He was the Messiah (I, who speak to you, am He.) He wanted her to know Him, which must have radically disturbed this woman’s heart. A sinner with five husbands and a lover, invited to personally know Him, no strings attached.

It’s interesting to me that this woman, who had probably lived a lifetime trying to quench her physical body in many ways, arrived in secret to do so again. And after meeting a Christ who would see her with Grace left the well more thirsty than ever before, causing her to run back to her town and bring others to see this Jesus. She was no longer in hiding and oddly, aware of a thirst in her that would never be quenched here on Earth. And she was excited about it. One truth filled encounter with someone who would want to know her, lover her, to invite her to greater things, took away the power of shame in her heart. To be a counselor who can do these very things is the most important thing I have to offer my clients because it points them to the One who would love them the most.