Running From Our Stories

In Matthew 26 Peter follows Jesus after His arrest in true Peter fashion, right into the courtyard of the High Priest, where the trial of Jesus would take place. It is not until Jesus begins to live out his most painful story that we see Peter begin to question his own ability and desire to be a part of it. In fact, what we see is that Peter begins to leave after he is accused of being a disciple.

He first moves from the courtyard, into a gateway, where he is torn between leaving the story unfolding before him and staying with Jesus. It is at this place that we all find ourselves today, outside the gateway, looking in. In us, much like in Peter, is a heart that is pulled in two directions at the same time. “I do not want a story where pain and suffering is a part, but at the same time, I am drawn into this very place because deeply I know it is a place of freedom, healing and life.”

For most of us, the pain of loss and broken relationships is far too much to endure on our own. So we choose to stand outside of the gateway, denying our real story just as Peter did here. For those of you who feel led by Christ to come back inside the gate, I would love to walk with you as you learn how to find freedom from the shame and fear that accompany many of our stories. The goal is that you could learn (as Henri Nouwen says) to receive love and then to give love. This is a process that can not happen as long as shame is ruling your heart.

At times it is necessary for us to sit with another and allow them to lead us to these wounded places. This is so that person can experience someone caring for them as they allow their real story to become true. The fear and shame that Peter felt after denying Christ was soon dealt with by Jesus, “Peter, do you love me, do you love me, do you love me.” Implying, I love you, take care of those I have loved here, I love you, feed those I was entrusted with, I love you, take care of my flock. . .or rather, give them the love you are receiving from me. To give Love, we must first receive Love. This should be our nature, to sit with people who desire to walk into their stories and care for and love them well.